At the end of each year, I use Jennie Allen’s Dream Guide (Find It Here) to reflect on what’s passed and dream about what’s ahead. Since 2019, I’ve printed it and worked through the questions on paper. This year, I’ve decided to process with you—my Substack family.

2024 brought a lot of transitions in a small amount of time (as my therapist keeps reminding me) which means a lot to grieve as well as to celebrate. Just because you need to grieve something doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good thing.

Things I’m Grieving:

My independent, single life

My studio apartment

My job of 10 years

Having coworkers

My church of 30+ years

Friendships

Stability

Babies lost by friends

Hopes + dreams

Things I’m Celebrating:

A redemption-story marriage

An apartment together

The ability to work for myself

Space and time to heal

A new church home

Freedom

New connections

Therapy

Provision

Babies on babies from friends

Speaking opportunities

God’s presence

Grieving takes time and intentionality. If I’ve learned anything, you can’t ignore what’s been lost. It will sneak up on you in countless ways unless you make time to address it. No one likes being surprised by an emotional outburst in the check-out lane or an important work meeting. So we create space to process our griefs.

Celebrating needs to be just as intentional. It’s worth acknowledging the good that’s come this year. Don’t just brush past it and onto the next thing. Mark what God’s done in your life. Put silly anniversaries on the calendar, tell someone you are thankful for their presence in your life, create new traditions, and take lots and lots of pictures. You’ll want to tell these stories later.

My word for 2024 was obedience, and man, did that ever play out. Once you start to obey, even in little ways, God provides more and more steps—bigger, scarier steps. My steps began to unfold like the breaking of a dam. I was just holding on for dear life. I had been begging God for steps forward for years—turns out, it was me who needed to do something. But the moment I did, He held up His end of the deal.

Obedience is wild like that. It’s never a waste of your time to obey. It always brings about the next thing. There’s always more after obedience.

But it also comes with a fight. I spent the latter half of this year fighting to stay in the game. My social media and this space were full of encouragement for you to keep going. Don’t quit. I was mainly talking to myself. When you obey God, you win the attention of the enemy. If you think about it, he’s probably been working to keep you from obeying for a long time. So he’s going to be ticked when you finally do. He’s going to try to convince you that you messed up, that you heard wrong, that you aren’t qualified, that you can’t actually do this, and on and on. I have felt all the things, too.

For the last 2 months, I’ve been working on my mind. I got tired of falling for the enemy’s tricks, my own flesh, and the world trying to talk me out of it all. It’s been some serious work. Even this morning I was hit with a new thought that about shut the whole thing down. I mean it was enough to make me want to delete myself from the internet, close the curtains, and hide from the world. But wouldn’t it be like the enemy to tell me to disappear? I think so.

I was in desperate need of some Truth. At the end of the Dream Guide was a scripture verse. And not coincidentally, it’s the next chapter after the one I had been reading the morning before—God is cute like that. I opted to read the whole chapter from top to bottom.

“Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart.”

2 Corinthians 4:1

Do not lose heart. Any ministry you have is by God’s mercy. He gives it. He chooses. It’s by his mercy only that we can do this.

“For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake.”

2 Corinthians 4:5

Don’t get it twisted either—it’s not about you. Everything you do is to proclaim Jesus. All glory to Him. We are mere servants and instruments in His hands. Proclaim Jesus and serve others. Period.

“But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us”

2 Corinthians 4:7

We are the clay jars holding the message of Jesus. We are fragile, we break. But it’s when we’re broken, we show the power of God. Our brokenness doesn’t disqualify us, it actually qualifies us to reveal God’s glory through us.

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:16

Again, don’t lose heart. Our fragile selves have to pass away, it’s part of the process. The breaking, the stripping, the dying is what’s needed. God can use it that way. Our flesh must get out of the way for His Spirit. Renewal only happens after destruction.

Going into 2025, I want to continue to be broken. (I don’t have a word yet, but Lord, let it not be “broken”). I want to keep chipping away at what needs to go. The deeper I go, the further I realize I have to go. But I can’t continue in my own strength. I can’t even continue without inviting Him into every single moment.

This work is His, entrusted to me by His mercy, upheld by His power, and all for His glory.

A prayer for 2025—

God, it’s yours. Forgive me for making it my own. Everything I have is by Your grace and for Your glory. Don’t let me lose sight of You. Remove me to make room for more You. This year is yours.

What I’m Using:

• Amallow Whipped Tallow Cream

A friend recommended this to me, and I’ve been using it since August as an under-eye cream and a moisturizer when I need a little extra. It is as natural as you can get and mimics the skin barrier—so safe for sensitive skin like mine. It goes right on top of my oil cleansing + moisturizing or by itself on damp skin. This jar will last me well into next year—a little goes a long way.

What I’m Listening To:

• SOM3ONE like U by AMXNRADIO, Joel Houston

• Help! I’m Triggered by Preston Morrison + Tim Ross

What I’m Reading:

• The House That Jesus Built by Natalie Runion

This book has be SO helpful in my healing journey this year! Highly recommend if you are rediscovering the local church or need a reminder of the true purpose of the Church.

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