It’s Hard To Trust People

I’ve always had issues with trusting people, but I was kind of okay with that. We should be cautious, we should be weary, and we should be protected, right? But within my thought process was a growing distrust of God.

Because we often translate our experiences with man onto God. We don’t trust the people He’s placed in our lives. We don’t trust the circumstances He’s put us in or allowed us to go through. We don’t trust Him to take care of us.

Maybe you’re like me, and you are hell-bent on self-preservation—it's sort of a built-in personality trait. Mine specifically looks like a fear of looking stupid, so I have to protect myself.

Sometimes we come by self-preservation honestly. You had to guard yourself because someone didn’t. You weren’t protected, shepherded, or cared for. You learned to put your guard up. You had to protect yourself.

But now, you are in a space where you can let your guard down, and God is inviting you to trust Him with it. All of that sounds impossible to me. Simply choosing to trust doesn’t seem like an option. My cynicism has protected me thus far.

Paul wrote a letter to the Corinthian church to help them with a similar problem.

For context, he’s comparing Israel’s old covenant and Moses with the new covenant and Jesus. The old covenant was a shadow of the new covenant. It was always going to come to an end so that Jesus could establish an eternal one.

“Since we have such a hope, we are very bold, not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face so that the Israelites might not gaze at the outcome of what was being brought to an end. But their minds were hardened. For to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away. Yes, to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. 

But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

2 Corinthians 3:12-18

You’re probably familiar with verse 17, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom…” but maybe you didn’t know it was in that section. While they are talking about veils and covenants, Paul is trying to tell them they are free to access God because of Jesus—the new covenant. The veil is taken away. Boundaries are removed.

The language used is “unveiled” vs. “veiled,” but it helps me to think of it as “zoomed out” vs. “zoomed in.” It’s a perspective shift. To zoom in is to be focused on only what’s in front of us—typically ourselves. It’s a limited view, a small view. When you’re zoomed in, you’re looking at the world the way you see it.

When we zoom out, we can see what God sees. When we turn to Jesus, we can see what God sees.

So what does verse 17 mean in the middle of this? “Where the spirit of the lord is there is freedom”

When we turn to the Lord, we have the Spirit. This is freedom—no more law, no more offerings, no more veils, no more small views—nothing is in the way.

Seeing the way God sees is freedom:

	to live how God calls us to live

	to speak life into ourselves and others

	to move forward

	to heal

	to change the way we think

	and to ultimately look like Jesus

When we zoom out and see what God sees, we can see the beauty around us. It works in reverse, too: Beauty calls us to look up. It’s how God gets our attention.

I’ve always hated the phrase “naval-gazing” because it sounds gross and makes me think of oranges, but I don’t have a better phrase for our obsession with ourselves. The world and our flesh want us to focus on us and only us. Everything is geared toward how we feel, how we look, what we want, and what’s good for us. That is why it’s so hard for us to look up and zoom out—it goes against our grain.

But when we are able to see beauty or to zoom out for God’s perspective, it causes us to worship. We stand in awe of God.

This is how we fight cynicism: through worship — a right view of God and a right view of ourselves.

I think that can sound nice and everything…and I don’t know about you, but my cynicism feels heavy and deep right now. Where is this coming from? Cynicism comes from deep hurt.

When we are safe, we don’t have to be cynical.

When we are afraid, we become cynical.

When we are hurt, we become cynical.

We ask questions like:

Why did God allow this to happen?

Why didn’t God stop it?

What if it never gets better than this?

Does God really care about what’s happening to me?

Did He leave me on my own?

Will He ever rescue me?

Cynics are hurt people. We are hurt when we don’t get what we think we deserve. When no one comes to rescue us. When we have to protect ourselves. And our hurt ends up driving our behavior. It keeps us isolated, arms crossed, unwilling to trust another person ever again.

What I’m currently working through in this season of life is something I’m sure you have had to work through as well, maybe many times. I’m talking about our relationship with the Church.

It’s a both/and place for most people. It can both be a place of deep hurt and a place of great healing. There are “little c churches” you’ve loved and some you’ve painfully left. It’s both beautiful and broken. Sacred and scarred. Holy and hard.

The Church is bigger than our little c churches. It’s a living, breathing thing—it’s deeper than one building. That’s why it can be difficult to navigate the hurt you may encounter in a little c church. But it’s also why we can’t give up on our little c churches.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Hebrews 10:24-25

This is not a verse to be used to keep you in a harmful, unbiblical, or abusive church. This is not meant to dismiss any of the experiences you’ve had in church. But it’s a call to not give up on the bride of Christ—His Church. Our human attempts at church will always be flawed.

But regardless of which church you call home, we as a body of believers are the Church. We are called to stir each other up, to meet together, and to encourage each other. It’s not about being contained in a set of walls. We should be able to walk into any body of Jesus-believers and experience Church.

One of the ways I’ve been working toward removing my cynicism toward the church is by zooming out and looking at my role in the church. That included the part I’ve played in other's church hurt. After 10 years of local church ministry, I know I’ve contributed. I can think of instances where I have hurt others in the name of the church.

But the other side of that coin is: what’s my role now? What am I supposed to bring to the church? What am I supposed to bring to my local church?

Instead of living out of my hurt from the past, I am called to fight cynicism by continuing to show up in the church.

I struggle with the line of transparency in sharing this part of my story. It’s meant to help someone, and it’s often not talked about. However, it can feel like I’m supposed to just forgive, move on, be kind, or a triggering phrase for me: “be honoring,” but silencing people under the guise of “honor” is not Godly either.

“You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”

Matthew 12:34

Jesus was talking to the religious leaders. He called them this and other names often in the book of Matthew. There’s a whole chapter where Jesus calls out the religious leaders for being hypocritical, blind guides, greedy, fake, performers, serpents, and for silencing the prophets sent by God. Sounds a lot like what many of us have experienced from our leaders. Leaders are supposed to shepherd, protect, care for, encourage, equip, and guide.

As I was reading this and thinking about my hurt, my cynicism was growing…

I was getting worked up in the name of justice

I wanted to do something about it

I wanted to protect the other sheep

I wanted to forget about “honor” and forgiveness

But there’s another verse in the footnotes of Matthew 12:34:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Ephesians 4:29-32

Oh. That stings. I’m kind of mad about it. Because being cynical feels like I was getting something done. It feels active to me, but it’s passive. It’s choosing to stay in the same condition, not making any progress.

I wanted to act out of my hurt instead of out of hope. When you act out of hope, you can advocate for others. Advocacy is active—it’s doing something.

We aren’t asked to ignore the injustices around us, but we are asked to bring hope to them. Through wisdom and discernment, we can act out of obedience to God, not hurt.

Hopeful people have something, or better, someone, to move toward. They stand on the truth of God and act in line with His character. They are zoomed out, seeing with God’s eyes. And they do it all from a position of forgiveness. They were forgiven, so they forgive.

Which is what I want to be. I want to be in a position to forgive, not out of obligation, but because I truly mean it. I want to look at my circumstances with hope, not cynicism.

When I’m cynical, I’m choosing to believe that everything’s out of control, and God doesn’t want good for me. It causes us to want to take matters into our own hands. To think we don’t need help from God or anyone. To look down and into ourselves. To cross our arms.

But Jesus came to us when we were His enemies, with our arms crossed. When we didn’t even want His help, He chose us.

I want to respond to that, not to what’s happened to me or what could happen. I want to point people to that, not my hurt or fear. And I’m working on it.

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What I’m Using:

• Colorfulkoala Dreamlux Leggings

For the girls: I've been on the hunt for a new, affordable workout legging that doesn't have the straight seam on the backside but also doesn't have the scrunching (iykyk). I wasn't happy with my first CK leggings because they felt cheap and fragile. But these are the next step up! They feel so good and look high quality. 10/10 recommend.

What I’m Listening To:

• SURVEY: Part 2 x Amanda Cook

• How To Give God Your All, Without Holding Back x Christine Caine + Priscilla Shirer

What I’m Reading:

• The Ruthless Elimination Of Hurry x John Mark Comer

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