Is Your Identity Wrapped Up In Your Work?

How would you answer the question: “How are you doing, really?”

My answer would be: “Not well.” This month has been entirely too long, work has been too hard, and I have wanted to crawl back into bed more days than not.

For me, that's how I know I have a bad work/life rhythm.

How do you know if you have bad work + life rhythms?

You answer work calls no matter the time of day.

You check emails on date nights.

You do some amount of work 7 days a week.

You miss family events or kids' activities on a regular basis.

You answer work emails or texts first thing when you wake up.

You postpone or reschedule vacations (or don't schedule them at all).

You ignore health concerns so that you won't miss work.

Your family or significant other resents your job.

But we have to work, right? Whether you work in ministry, work in the marketplace, or work at home. We all have to work.

It's the way God set this whole thing up. And there's actually a theology behind work. I think it's helpful to start there so that we don't throw everything out the window and quit our jobs or run away from home.

27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

31 And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good...

Genesis 1:27-28, 31 ESV

We've got to hit some of the basics of work...

God made us for work before the Fall. Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, have dominion. And it was good for them to do this work.

We know work matters because:

#1 - God works.

The whole creation account is a work of God. Our work is part of the reflection of the image of God in us. When we are creative, intentional, authoritative, etc., we express those aspects of God's character. And, God continues to work in His creation today.

God is a working God.

#2 - God gives us work.

First, as parents. Collectively, we are to fill the earth and multiply ourselves. Parenthood is work, I don't have to even mention it. And I don't know firsthand, but I think it's a pretty big deal that it's the first job God gave us.

Second, we steward His creation. You've probably heard the term "cultural mandate," which refers to the verses we've already read and the following verse:

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

Genesis 2:15

Meaning: Our job is to carefully steward creation in a way that acknowledges God's ownership and to preserve creation to reflect God's glory.

#3 - God's plan is work.

Work isn't a product of the fall—it was there first. It isn't a necessary evil we just tolerate to survive. Work is designed and given to us by God for our good. Work was a part of His plan from the beginning.

This is where it takes a turn...

Because of the fall of man in Genesis 3, work is now harder. Thanks, Adam and Eve. (Yes, Adam too; he was there).

Starting with the first job, parenthood: it's going to be painful to even bring a child into the world, and there's going to be contention in your marriage.

Then our second job: You're actually going to have to put in major effort, fight with the ground, experience painful work, blood, sweat, and tears.

Work has now become a tension we have to manage. Part of that tension is our tendency to place work above everything in our lives. That is what ultimately leads to bad rhythms.

We know work is a good thing. The goal of work is the glory of  God and the good of others. But we can let a good thing get out of control.

Idolizing our work comes with some pretty negative consequences.

Our identity gets wrapped up in our work.

We strive to please our boss and our team, or our kids and our spouse, because that's how we win at work.

If we are succeeding at work, we are okay. We feel valuable, we feel worthy, we feel secure, we feel like we are moving forward, we feel like we are accomplished.

But there is an even darker side to this that we've written off as normal...

Have you found yourself asking:

Why can't I turn it off when I get to my car?

Why do I take it home with me?

Or take it out of the home with me?

When I do make time for myself, why do I rush to get back?

Why does my mind race at night about work scenarios?

Why have I never been able to make progress with boundaries?

Why is there a low-lying panic?

It's deeper than the pressure to perform.

It's deeper than your desire to be a success.

It's deeper than idolizing your work.

It's deeper than wanting to please people.

But deeper than all of that, you might have a fear of man problem.

Until you get that settled, you will always be out of rhythm with your work + life.

How do you know you have a fear of man problem?

Your boss's opinion of you matters more than literally anyone else.

You have crippling fear of failing at work.

You put on that you are the perfect wife and mother.

You have changed some of who you are to be what your boss wants you to be.

You've started hiding stuff from your spouse, so they think you've got it all handled.

You compromise your morals/standards to be a "team player."

Your work anxiety permeates every aspect of your life.

You weigh every decision against what your boss would think.

You're entire day or week is ruined over a critique or review.

The bottom line: whom you seek approval from is whom you fear.

But we are actually designed to fear God.

12 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, 13 and to keep the commandments and statutes of the Lord, which I am commanding you today for your good?

Deuteronomy 10:12-13 ESV

This is the aim of our work. This is why we work, this is how we work, and this is who we truly work for. So, when we aren't functioning in healthy rhythms, this is what's at stake. This is what we missing.

We have mixed up who we fear.

And upsetting that feels scary to me.

What's going to happen if I stop fearing man? What happens if I stop people-pleasing? What will they do to me?

If you are in a work situation where fear is built in, it's hard to break.

If you are in a culture where boundaries aren't encouraged or supported, it's scary to step out in this.

If you know you will get pushback the moment you shift this mindset, it's terrifying.

That's why I love this next verse:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Adjusting your fear of man to a fear of God takes strength and courage. It's not as easy as just deciding to do it. And it will likely impact your work in both negative and positive ways. And the negative ones are scary.

Who is the "them" that you are afraid of?

Who is the one you dread?

Who is the co-worker you are terrified to let down?

Know this: the Lord goes with you. But I get how hard this is to break. This next verse always does it for me:

"And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell."

Matthew 10:28 ESV

Oh. That puts it into perspective for me. Ultimately, what can man do to me?

Fear of man seems safer. It's comfortable. Everyone does it.

And to mess that up seems unsafe. But it's actually the opposite.

"The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe."

Proverbs 29:25 ESV

It's actually safer to fear God. It's safer to please Him. It's safer to desire approval from Him.

That's what we were designed to do.

To fear God just means to acknowledge that He holds the power.

Your boss, your kids, your co-worker, your spouse—they don't hold the power. It can feel like they do. They can even tell you they do. But God holds the power.

So when it comes to work. (Because we still have to work) Check out Colossians 3:

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Slaves, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Colossians 3:18-24 ESV

The passage is addressed to wives, husbands, children, fathers, and slaves—all people, all positions. Climbing the ladder won't make boundaries at work easier. It doesn't matter what role you are in, you will always fight the fear of man.

I want to focus on the slave here. It's written as an encouragement to slaves, that even though you are a slave in this world, you are free in Christ.

You can work for the Lord and still be a slave at work.

If we fear God and figure out these boundaries at work, it doesn't mean it will be easier at work. It may actually get harder.

But we don't have to worry about the outcome of our obedience here.

Colossians reminds us that God is a God of justice:

25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

1Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Colossians 3:25-4:1 ESV

He will take care of the payback, He concerns Himself with how they treat you, He is the ultimate Master—even over your boss. The work that you're doing is not for your boss or your team or your company or yourself even, it's for the Lord.

Serving God trumps serving man every time.

5 Thus says the Lord:

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man

    and makes flesh his strength,

    whose heart turns away from the Lord.

6 He is like a shrub in the desert,

    and shall not see any good come.

He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,

    in an uninhabited salt land.

7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

    whose trust is the Lord.

8 He is like a tree planted by water,

    that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

    for its leaves remain green,

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

    for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:5-8 ESV

Whether the "man" we trust is ourselves or our boss, we have stopped trusting the Lord. Without him, we are in a dried-up desert, searching for water that won't come—working toward an end that leads to nothing.

But if you want your work to matter, your days to be fruitful, and to grow in everything you do, trust in the Lord.

He is our source.

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