What If Jesus Is Better?

As much as I’m not a fan of Christmas, I’m a big fan of Advent. I love Jesus — celebrating His birth is not the problem. I’m just not interested in all the weight that we put on the holiday. It holds too much materialism, selfishness, obligation, and too often, pain.

But Advent, the waiting for Jesus, holds a special space in my heart. There’s something about the anticipation — Jesus is coming. The Kingdom is coming. Good is coming. It always facilitates a sacred meeting with God for me. I actually look forward to brewing hot black coffee, turning on my heated blanket, and grabbing my bible and Advent study to curl up on the couch. There, I wait for Jesus to come each morning.

It seems like all of life is waiting. The more I share about my waiting season, the more I feel like life is waiting. Maybe I’m missing Him because I keep waiting for something that isn’t coming. Or maybe I’m waiting on the wrong thing.

Maybe it’s not about what I’m waiting for but who I’m waiting for.

We don’t wait on the Lord for Him to reward us.

That’s hard for me. I’m big on cause and effect. If I do this, then He will do that. It’s only right. But this assumes something big — that I know what’s right. Oof.

Lately, God has been showing me through good friends and His Word that I think I’m always right. I know that’s a joke we can easily make. It’s fun to give people a hard time for being a know-it-all. On the flip side, confidence, intelligence, and success are rewarded. No one wants to be wrong. Hardly anyone questions their own opinions or intuition. We tend to trust ourselves more than anyone else. That’s a dangerous place to be.

The heart is deceitful above all things,
 and desperately sick;
 who can understand it?

Jeremiah 17:9

My own heart is a liar. I remember when I first heard this verse in college, and I was shook. You’re telling me my heart can trick me? What am I supposed to trust if not my gut? And not only is my heart misleading, it’s sick! Another translation says “beyond cure.” That’s tough to wrap my mind around. I am unable to understand my own heart.

But there is One who can. Who does.

I the Lord search the heart

Jeremiah 17:10a

He knows. He is able to discern what’s real and what’s right. More than that, His Spirit is able to reveal that to us! These are truths that I know, but I don’t always practice. Especially when what I think is right rubs against my circumstances and feelings.

Of course, I know that God knows best, but deep down, my hurt and frustration stem from thinking, “I could do better than God with my life.” The more I press into my heart, the more I find questions like:

Why is God doing this to me?

Why won’t He heal me?

Why doesn’t He care?

Because God and I have a close relationship, and I see Him blessing others. Am I not one of His favorites?

Because I know God is the Healer. So, it’s not that He can’t heal me, but He won’t.

Because I know God knows what’s happening. I know He can see everything. I know nothing happens to me that doesn’t first pass through His hands. So, He must not care how bad it hurts.

All of these thoughts point to one thing: I think I know better than God.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
 neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
 so are my ways higher than your ways
 and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8–9

I couldn’t tell you how many times a day I recite these verses to myself. I’m desperate for this truth to sink into my heart — into the deep places that are questioning what God is doing. The first step is acknowledging that I think I know better than God. But the truth is, God not only knows better, but God is better.

Advent is teaching me this in a new way. Our pastor fell in love with a song that sparked our entire Christmas series: “Wouldn’t It Be Like You” by Bryan and Katie Torwalt. As we listened to the lyrics, we were inspired to design the series around Mary’s perspective, titled “Through The Eyes Of A Mother.” I can’t imagine what Mary expected her first pregnancy and birth story to be like, but I bet it wasn’t like this. I’m sure she wasn’t planning on being the center of scandalous gossip. More than that, she would want her first child to be Joseph’s! She probably planned to give birth at home and not in a stable. I bet her family was expected to be there, not strangers. She had envisioned her future very differently. Her circumstances did not match her plans. But it was better.

"Wouldn’t it be like You To be different than we thought Different than we want But better — You’re better"

He’s better than my best-laid plans, even the wildest dreams that I have — He’s better. And of course He is! He’s the Creator, Sustainer, Redeemer God. He knows the depths of my deceitful heart. He knows the days not-yet-come and holds the days that have gone. He cares more for my life than even I do. He is before all, above all, and in all. He can be trusted.

"Help me be like Mary Laid down, pouring out I won’t miss You in a crowd Cause I love Your voice And I know the sound. Jesus, if it’s You On the water, in the cloud I’ll be the first one to walk out Cause I love Your voice and I know the sound"